Nominee No. 2 Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo MI, was killed in March as he was trying
to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive
the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the
source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the
other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft"
Nominee No. 3 Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton,
NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for
the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when
he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4 [UPI, Toronto ]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto
skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his
death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the
Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength
of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson,
managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
A person has to wonder what the dimmer members of this law firm are like.
Nominee No. 5 [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several
years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before
having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in
his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6 [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk IN. A Jay
County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was
killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators
said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about
11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that
had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel
when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7 [Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this
Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was
standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer
of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over
the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER (Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree
near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey
Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of
Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after
a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model
truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that
the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to
the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began
to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River
Bridge . After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the
testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will
require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never
operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and
released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off,
or we might be dead," stated Wallis "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this
part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two
would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the
wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did
anyone get them from the truck? Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result
of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can
be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.